Chapter Text
They don't speak when they do it, it's more of a safety blanket, a comfort that's just there, holding them close to each other through warmth. It was like he was some kind of magnet, luring her in, keeping her right there close to him, she never wants to leave, she never wants him to go.
But he always does and he always will.
His fingers brush over her shoulder, the sound of soft breathing filling her ears and she can just about open her eyes but she doesn't, she just lets her body rest, her legs tangle in his, smiling a little to herself when he brushes his fingers up her jaw. He shifts and she stays still when she rolls over onto her back. She hears him pick up his phone and check it.
She knows he’s going to leave and she knows he’s not going to say a word to her.
The door clicks shut moments later and the pull is gone, everything falls flat and she’s left alone rotting in her bed and all she can do is bury her face in her pillow.
He never stays and he never will, he has responsibilities and she just can’t fathom how he does it every time.
Olivia finds herself cursing the arrangement they have, she finds herself longing deep in her heart over all the things they could be but never will.
Now all she’s left with is the lingering scent of his aftershave on the pillow next to her so she turns and presses her face into it, letting sleep wash over her like waves at the beach, all calm and serene.
The next morning she'll go to work, look into his eyes and they will say nothing.
What’s done and said in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, her bedroom, never his, only hers.
The next morning she looks in the mirror staring into her soul willing for it to give her the answers she knows it doesn’t have. She fights through the urges to just call him, put him straight, say that it’s over now, there was no more taking and there was no more giving.
They had been there before though and every time lust laced with a mutual understanding came out on top.
There's no running from this, there never would be.
She hears them talk about the tension between her and Elliot, stirring her coffee aimlessly as she did.
She places it down, scalding liquid splashing over the rim.
She's not listening to this; she walks right out of that room knocking into Elliot, her shoulder knocking into his arm so he grabs her wrist, she looks into his eyes and that flame of adulterous desire engulfs her belly and his. He sees it behind her eyes, so he smirks and she just wants to wipe that smug grin off his face.
She grabs his chin about to do just that, give him a piece of her mind.
“Olivia”
She turns around, scowling at Cragen, she drops her hand, fingers clasping into a fist.
It wasn’t even his fault and she hates that Elliot is a witness to all this.
“If you need time-“
“I don’t,” she says and walks off, Elliot raises his eyebrows at that
He doesn’t interfere and for once she’s grateful for his brief show of emotional intelligence around her.
But she knows he's going back home to his wife tonight and that it would leave her feeling cold inside once more.
So she goes home after a long day, picks the bottle of wine up off the counter, pours herself a glass and tries to get herself reacquainted with her surroundings, she isn't home that much anymore being married to the job and all that. It's almost like her home only feels like a home when Elliot's there with his hand between her thighs and that is all sorts of twisted.
There's a soft knock on her door, she pinched the bridge of her nose, her heart leaping at the thought of Elliot behind it. When she gets closer she knows who it will be because everything is so predictable when it comes down to Elliot Stabler.
She opens the door, he takes her wine glass out of her hand and puts it on the sideboard, he turns and looks at her and she just stares into his eyes.
"Why are you-"
She's silenced by his lips on hers, her hands running over his back, tugging at his shirt, the both of them shedding their clothes as he backed her towards the bedroom. The backs of her legs hit the bed as she tugs him onto her body.
"Elliot we can't keep doing this"
He presses a finger to her lips, his eyes meet hers and he just stares into her soul, and with that, she's gone, she's so far gone now.
There was no going back.
She takes the risk and kisses him; that's the end, no going back, all those thoughts confirmed. His hands grab her hips, large palms moving up her side to her breasts. His mouth is on her neck in an instant, his hot breath on her skin, her body arching into him. His hand slips between her legs, and that's when she knows there will be no going back now. His breath was hot against her jaw, her hips moving of their own volition as his fingers circle her right there, right where she was hot and aching for him.
Her glassy eyes look up at him and her heart pounds against her ribs, quickly, but steadily too.
He drives her crazy in all the wrong ways.
They're such sinners.
Her eyes followed his hand as his fingers wrapped around her wrist, the thrum of her pulse under it causing him to smirk at how much she wanted him.
"Do you need me Liv?" he looks into her eyes, she closes them and guides their hands between her legs, she kisses him and he pushes a finger inside of her, smiling against her jaw at the needy whimper she emits "You need me-"
"Elliot, please..." she whimpers, her fingers circling her cl*t "More..."
He smirks.
"You give in so easily" he presses his lips to her neck, she turns her head, her breath hot against his ear "So easily..."
She draws him in closer using the strength of her legs that hook over his hips, her hand slipping down his body, dainty fingers wrapping around his co*ck. He's hard and heavy in her hand, his eyes boring into hers and she strokes him, teases him and she would until the point he cracks and f*cks her. He moans into her mouth, kissing her roughly, his tongue weaving past her lips, running along his, she whimpers and rocks her hips against his hand which is between her legs again, her arm hooking around his neck, tugging his bottom lip between her teeth when he pushes another finger into her.
"Elliot" she rasps, her cheeks hot and red, her heart thumping in her chest, "I need you, Elliot, I need all of you Elliot..."
"You have me, Liv, you have me..." he presses his lips against her breastbone, mouth moving over the swell of her breast to take her nipple into his mouth, sucking it softly
She moans, her fingernails dig into his shoulders, she shivers in his arms, she cries out his name at the pressure of his mouth on her breast, the way his fingers were moving inside of her and she was almost there.
"You don't get it" Elliot presses his lips against the underside of her breast "You want this to stop but when you're like this you never do"
"You're married"
"To the job, we're alike like that"
He crooks his fingers and she chokes on her response, his thumb pressing against her cl*t, she shudders in his arms, her thighs shaking as that pressure builds, that coil in her belly tightening, walls crushing his fingers as she gushes over his hand like she had done many times before now.
She looks into his eyes, panting softly, pulling him into a rough kiss, her hand guiding him inside of her, he stills there, looking into her eyes again.
"I-"
"Don't say it" Olivia pleads, he rests a hand on her side "Don't say those words"
He moves inside of her, hips rocking against her, she cries out, her hand slipping down her body, fingers pressing tentatively against her cl*t.
"Harder"
She wants to feel something, feel anything apart from the way she feels about him, she wants to feel him.
So they do their thing, him f*cking her, him taking what he needs and she does the same.
It doesn't hit the same for her anymore, her heart yearns for more and when they get there, when she's teetering on that edge, heat searing through her veins hair sticking to her forehead as she met his thrusts with her hips. She looks down at her body, looking at his work, mouth hung open and she moans when his hand cups her breast, thumb resting against her nipple. She nods and he moves his hand to her cheek, she pushes her head into his hand and his hips jerk against her, she arches against him, clenching down around his co*ck.
"El..." she whines, her hips bucking into his "Elliot"
"Let go" he presses his thumb against her chin, she moans and pulls him in for a kiss, he pulls away, pressing his lips against her "I need to see you, all of you...Liv, look at me"
She looks into his eyes and with that she lets go, gushing wetly around his co*ck, panting into his mouth, moaning and throwing her head back when he stilled inside of her, his co*ck pulsing, his seed filling her and she looks into his eyes. Her hands shakily reach out to cup his face, she kisses him.
"Stay," Olivia asks, her eyes staring into his, her gaze dropping to his lips briefly before flickering up to look into his eyes again
She saw those walls fly up in defence, and he clams up, just like he always does before rolling off her body to stare up at the ceiling.
He says nothing.
That's how she knows he can't stay.
She also knows he never will.
